ERICA DUNOMES

In this post I talk about one tip any woman could use to help prioritize what’s most important in life as a newlywed woman of God. Though this tip will be shared from a godly perspective, I believe it is truly practical for any woman to do. The source that led to my doing this came at a time that I greatly needed it most. Let’s just say that God’s timing is always perfect.

First, a bit of history:

My husband and I met in the year 2009. In fact, we were both members of the same church. His brother was our pastor at the time. I had become an official member of that church in the year 2008.

My husband and I had seen each other many times. But he didn’t truly take an interest in getting to know me until the following year. Soon after we started dating, he proposed. As a result, a year later, we were married.

A newlywed woman of two years I had been, and my husband and I were already having problems. In addition to that, merging into a blended family of eight was no easy work. However, because we made the choice to be with each other and share our lives together, it had to be done.

Stepping into the role of a wife became my biggest challenge.

Like every other woman in the world, I thought marriage would be peaches and cream. Consequently, that was so not the case for us. To clarify, there were many factors that played into the issues we were having.

• This was my husband’s second marriage and my first marriage. Altogether, we both had baggage from our previous years.
• We were blending as a family of eight.
• Contrary to popular belief, I knew nothing much about the concept of us becoming one flesh, though I had read it in the Bible many times.
• There were toxic thought processes and patterns learned over the years that had to be undone at the beginning of our marriage.
• Then, there was the age difference. My husband is 16 years my senior.

First and foremost, it did not look good for us in the first year of our marriage.With this in mind, my husband threatened to leave many times. However, I held firm to the vows I had made to him before God. I went into our marriage with the thought of or act of divorce never being an option. Without a doubt, by the grace of God, I was going to make sure that it wasn’t.

2012 – the year the reality hit that things needed change.

Admittedly, Carlos and I survived our first year of marriage. However, it was the second year of our marriage where things really began to turn. For instance, Carlos had quit his job to pursue a business adventure. Because of that, we went from having two incomes to having one income. Following, a few months later, I lost my job. Due to that, we went from one income to having no incomes.

As a result, we went from living in a brand new four bedroom house to living in my mother-in-law’s garage. Yes! You… read… that… right. Thus, it went from being five people in one house to nine people in one house. It had become a scary situation for us all. We had to decide if we were going to let it be for the better or for the worst.

“What am I going to do? God, show me what to do!”

My husband had just come to me and expressed to me that he didn’t think that I was being the wife or mother that he and my children needed. That he knew that I could be. And at that time, I could not disagree with him.

For example, I was still adjusting to coming from living a life of single motherhood with three children of my own, to now being a wife and mother to my three children plus three more children. Clueless could describe me perfectly as of what to do and how to do it. I sat in that garage that day a desperate woman with questions and seeking for answers.

Leaning over, I picked up a bag that I thought only had a few papers in it. Notably, that’s when I came across it. The book changed my life.

The name of the book? “A Woman After God’s Own Heart”

Pulling it out upon discovery, I went right to the table of contents, read the back cover of the book, and realized that it was God’s answer to my prayer. I had obtained that copy of the book from my mom. I’m not quite sure how she got it. I had seen it on her table by her bed once before while visiting.

Clearly, it was the title of the book that caught my eye. It reminded in the Bible of what God said about His servant David. Intrigued, I was. I asked her if I could read it. At first she told me, “No.” But after asking her a few more times, she finally gave in and said, “Yes.”

The book came home with me with my every intent to read it. I did not read the book right away. It was for a time that was perfect.

However, once I began to read it, I could not put it down. Her reason for writing the book, her own personal story, and the way she spoke of God pulled and tugged greatly on my heart strings. A vision developed in me to be the type of woman Elizabeth described.

Up until that moment, I was clueless and without proper direction. Everything about my life was searching for answers and desiring intentional change. Furthermore, next to the Word of God, this book had soon become a beacon of hope for a much brighter future.

The one tip you can use? Create 5 fat files.

In her book, Elizabeth makes the suggestion of becoming a woman who aims at expertise in five areas. First of all, she suggests purchasing five manila folders and labeling them for each of the areas that you choose. Mainly, these areas are to be from the spiritual realm making them of eternal value. Second, you start filling them with articles, magazines and newspaper clippings, and the like that pertain to that particular subject.

The areas of expertise that I chose:

1. Faith – Firstly, cultivating and growing in an intimate relationship with God.
2. Family – Secondly, become the wife and mother that God created me to be.
3. Health and Fitness – Thirdly, take care of my body that is God’s temple.
4. Time Management – Fourthly, making the best use of my time in a way that glorifies God.
5. Finances – Lastly, be responsible and faithful to steward of the money that allows me to properly take care of my family as well as be a blessing to others.

Choosing those five areas to focus on in my life took a lot of wisdom, patience and a whole lot of prayer. If my marriage and family life was going to ever have a chance of being turned around for the better, I needed to have the proper focus. I needed to know exactly where I was to place my attention. My why and how was clear.

These were areas of my life that needed the most of my attention. They were the areas of my life that, in 2012, I had no clue as to how to properly steward them. Significantly, ten whole years later, they are still the focus of my attention. I believe that the focus placed on these areas now make up the very core of who I am.

Considering creating your own five fat files? Here are four simple steps:

Now that I have told you about this one tip, let me tell you how you can create your own if you’d like to. Clearly, it’s so simple that even your dog could do it. Literally. Trust me.

1. Read the book. If it had not been for reading “A Woman after God’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George, I would not have known anything about creating five fat files. Undoubtedly, if you are going to create your own, this is where I recommend you start.
2. Pray. This step is the one step I suggest you do not skip around. After you’ve read the book, you should pray. Ask God to show you the areas where He wants to focus your attention. I am just going to assume that you are already a Believer and you have a relationship with God. However, where you are does not matter. You can be new to the faith or seasoned in the faith. You will have to pray.
3. Purchase a set of file folders and label them according to the areas God has revealed to you. Friend, these file folders do not have to be expensive at all. Plus, they can literally be found anywhere. I just recently discovered that there are different types of files folders as well. If you desire a certain type, your best bet will be to order them.
4. Fill them up. Start putting information into your files. As Elizabeth suggests, “Read everything on your subjects. Seek to sharpen your skills and expertise.” Doing this will make your why and how very clear.

The wisdom of older godly women is a blessing.

A wise woman had suggested this tip to Elizabeth in her time of need. Evidently, her life changed so much. For instance, she began to suggest it to other young women she taught and mentored in their times of need. Again, through her book, I was fortunate to have become one of those women.

There is absolutely no credit that I can take for coming up with the great and wonderful idea of creating five fat file folders. I believe in giving credit where credit is due. Clearly, to have the privilege of telling Elizabeth George, “Thank you.”

Surely, many great lessons have been learned over the years. I wish that I could tell you that things got better for us right away. They didn’t. Much sacrificing and much dying to self had to take place. God had to be given His rightful place in order for me to execute why and how the wisdom and knowledge I placed in those files would be fulfilled.

Not only that, but, Carlos and I are still together. Between him and me, much growth took place as well. God had to become the Head of our marriage and our home or else. He ultimately was why and how I created my fat files. Seeking to please Him was all of the driving force I needed.

The Truth sets us free.

Can I let you in on some truth? It matters not what your current status is as far as relationships are concerned. Moreover, the truth is that, if you’re ever going to have a marriage that honors God, you’re going to have to put Him as the Head of it.

My five fat files have been greatly filled over the years. Hence, they are still being filled today. However, should you ever get around to creating yours, I don’t think that once you start filling them, you’ll ever stop.

Blessings to you as you create yours. In addition, please stop back by and let me know why and how you created yours. I’d love to hear about them.

“Our transformation into being women after God’s own heart is indeed God’s work.”

~Elizabeth George